Anger Management

I have been super angry the past couple of days. Ridiculously angry. I'm pretty sure I need counseling. Or just a punching bag. Instead, it's letter time.

Dear Impatient Mortgage Loan Processor,

I'm sorry that some of our companies are not as technologically advanced as your bank is, but I PROMISE it is not necessary to send me a fax with the words "2ND REQUEST, THANKS" in big black Sharpie marker. I'm pretty sure I got the first request. I took care of things the last time you needed me to, did I not? I have a lot more clients than just you. Oh wait, you're not even a client. SO BACK OFF. I also don't apologize for the snarky e-mail I sent you. You deserved it. Thanks.

Dear Obnoxious Plastic Lawn Edging,

I thought you were hard to deal with last week. How could you have possibly gotten more difficult? I'm sorry I hit you so hard with the shovel that I broke a couple of pieces of you.

Dear Grass Roots,

Yes, I just wrote a letter to the grass in my yard. I would appreciate it if you would not be so obnoxiously hard to dig through. You do not belong in my flower bed. Yes, I am prejudiced. No grass allowed. Flowers only.

To my neighbors,

I'm sorry for my unexpected outburst yesterday. If you saw me hacking at the grass with a shovel like a serial killer would murder his victim, please just disregard me. I was having a bad day. However, if you are one-armed-J, who I clashed with last week, just remember: I'm dangerous with a shovel. :-)

Dear Costa,

I realize you have no control over your digestive system, but diarrhea and vomit are not things I like to think about before 8:00am.

Dear Words With Friends,

I am addicted to you. Why oh why do you not work? You're teasing me!

Dear Customer,

Please please please stop calling asking if "she" is here. There are multiple "she"s and I'm in the right mood to make a nasty comment if you do it one more time today. I'm warning you.

Dear Husband Of Mine,

I'm sorry I've been snappy all week. You should know by now to just steer clear of me and arguing with me does not help. At all. I promise I'll try to be less-irritable.

Okay, I feel a teensy bit better. I promise I'll be back when I have a better attitude. Until then...