Wake-up Call.

I had to run an errand today. One that I really didn't want to do. One, because I knew it was going to cost me money. Two, I had the off chance of running into a guy that I have a brief, not very exciting, but I guess you'd have to call it "history" with. A guy that my family tried to hook me up with. But, first let me set the scene: I was 19. He was 29. I was in my punk rock, eff-the-world stage. He had a motorcycle. A shaved head. And the most amazing blue eyes you've ever seen. He owned his own business & was quite successful. (Yeah, yeah, I know, I should've wondered why an almost 30 year old would be interested in someone who wasn't even of drinking age yet, but that's besides the point.) Point being - awkward.

So, I went. And yes, it was awkward. I dropped my keys in the parking lot, trying to play it cool. When I walked in the store, about 3 people came to help me, and he called them off. Then there was the whole awkward-small-talk deal, where he actually said, "While I'm waiting on him to get your file, I'm going to make a quick phone call." Then he "cut me a deal" and told me he'd hook me up on future purchases. I'm pretty sure, though, the most awkward part was when one of his employees just walked up to where we were talking and stood there. She didn't say anything to me or to him. I looked at her, and realized that it was a girl I knew back when I was 19. Back when I had a thing for this guy. I wasn't sure it was her, though, so I just smiled and left. She still never said anything to either one of us. I found it kind of weird.

I came home, messed around on my computer, called my mom to tell her about my journey to awkward-town. When I told her about the girl, she made the comment, "Oh, you should've said hello!" I brushed her off. But then, I logged into MySpace, for the first time in forever. I don't like MS anymore, so I just never get on. I logged in because I know I'm friends with this girl, so I wanted to check her pictures & see if it was really her. Again, I haven't talked to this girl for 4 years, and I haven't looked at her MS profile either. I pretty much lost touch with all of that crowd, and I don't bother to keep up with their lives, really.

You know how you get this fireball in the pit of your stomach feeling? That something-isn't-really-right feeling? Then I see something on her profile about a guy that we hung out. A "You will be missed." Which was something that I saw a lot of when I was with that crowd. I didn't think much of it. Until I realized that he killed himself today. Today. I mean, what are the chances that I would run into her, check her MySpace, and find all this out. It breaks my heart.

When I was hanging out with that crowd, I hate to say it, but people killing themselves happened more often than you can ever be comfortable with. And I hadn't really dealt with anything like that since then. All these feelings came rushing back when I saw that.

What I spent the afternoon thinking was just a random awkward moment I would have to deal with again next week when I go in (telling everyone I hope he's not there, while secretly hoping he would be so I could say, "Do you need my new last name?"), turned out to be much too much of a coincidence for my comfort. I think you truly start to appreciate your friends more when you realize that any moment they could be gone. And I wasn't close to this guy that's gone, but it makes me appreciate all those people that I've lost touch with over the years.

I guess what I want to say is to pick up the phone and call that old college roommate. Send a little note to your best friend. When Facebook suggests you send a message to a friend that you haven't talked to in a while, take the time to do it.