Dreams

Let me just preface this entire post by saying: 1. Since I got engaged/married, I do not encounter men my age.. like ever. Especially not good looking men. Or confident men. 2. I love my husband, I do. I promise.

The first part of this is that I have had some crazy whacked out dreams lately. My first one was that I had a baby (not so bad, right?). Just three months later, I found out I was pregnant with twins. So I had a one year old and newborn twins. And AJ was no where to be found. I was in the student center at Clemson, trying to watch my one year old, while breastfeeding (why would I dream about breastfeeding?) my twins. At the same time. It was SUPER strange. Last night, in my dream, I was married to AJ, but there was this other random guy walking around, and I had to choose between AJ and this guy. I just kept following this guy around - to the bathroom & everything. Um, weeeiiird!

I've tried to decode both of them. The first one is pretty simple. I had been talking with a co-worker, who had a dream she was pregnant. And then we started talking about having twins, yada yada yada. The second one, I think has a more complex meaning to it. I don't know if anyone else has something like this, but I have these two "what-if" guys. Two guys that were my best friends when I was in college. Two guys that I had an opportunity to date at some point in those four years. I never did, mostly because I was afraid I would mess up what we had as friends. And a lot of it had to do with me being caught up in myself (AJ was my first REALLY serious relationship). I had an issue with long-term commitment until I met AJ. Anyway, I didn't ever date these guys. Therefore, they're my "what-if" guys. I'm still friends with these guys and I'll see them this weekend, when we go up to Clemson. So, I'm pretty sure that's where the "have to choose between the other guy and AJ" thing came from. Please don't take this the wrong way, I am not currently having those before-the-wedding second thoughts. I love my husband. I'm just trying to play psychiatrist & decode my dream. 

That being said, I mentioned earlier that since I left school, I really don't encounter men my age. Especially at my new job, I see about 5% of the amount of people I saw at the bank. This marketing rep comes in this morning. He's decent looking. Not gorgeous. But he has that really outgoing confident thing going on. I used to be able to roll with the punches. Now, I get all flustered and I know my fair skin turns bright red. So this guy stood here for like 10 minutes talking to me about me (apparently my parents told him about me before I started working here). By the time he left I felt like an absolute idiot. I really have to learn to not let these guys fluster me like that.. it's pretty embarrassing. But hey, he brought us a dozen doughuts. I love marketing reps.. they always bring the good stuff.

I hope I didn't give anyone the wrong impression with this post. It just odd to me how things have changed so much since I've gotten married. I used to be confident and not intimidated by guys. A lot of times, I just stop and think about how when you're starting college you have your entire life ahead of you. I've realized lately that I still have a lot of my life ahead of me, but I've blazed my own trail. And this is the one I've chosen for myself. We talk so much about what we want to be/do when we grow up. I am grown up. I have a lot more growing up to do, but I'm an adult now. That still amazes me. I had all these thoughts swirling in my head, and I had to get them down in some sort of order. So there it is. Take it as you will. :-)