My momma needs a lap dance!

I had the world's best Bachelorette party (don't we all?)... it was amazing! First, a few pictures I'll have to explain...

My sister organized the entire thing... from the shrimp & pasta salad (mmm) to the limo to the strip club to the Froggy Bottoms blow job. Loveeee her. She had her husband (who used to be a restaurant chef) cater the entire thing. He made us some seafood salad & some penis shrimp & pasta salad, penis brownies & lots of other goodies. 

We played some games, mainly penis ring toss, hot dog wiener soccer & scratch & dare. I have 3 years worth of sexual positions books.

This would be our first limo stop... the strip club. When we jumped out of the limo, this guy met us at the door. He picked me up, spanked me a couple of times, and flipped me upside down. It was a bad idea wearing a slutty, short, strapless dress. But good Lord am I glad Laura warned me to wear something underneath besides underwear. Christina, Hailey, and I headed up to the stage to give a guy a couple of ones & he pulled Hailey's dress completely up over her head, to reveal her thong. And wouldn't put let her put it down for a good 30 seconds! He did it to me next, but thankfully I was wearing full underwear, leggings, and spankies. Whew. After my lap dance, I had to go to the bathroom & completely re-do my hair. He also gave my mother a good spanking (hence the picture). We did have one guy in a g-string that my sister swore he wasn't real & she got an up close & personal look/touch to find out.

My dare was that I had to go in the men's room with girlfriends & sing a song, so I take Deb & Laura, run in after a stripper & go "Baby Got Back!" before I realized that Deb wasn't with me & I was the only one singing. So I promptly run out, completely embarrassed, and of course Neo, the stripper, comes out after me to talk to me.. perfect.

After the strip club, we headed to Celebrity Square. FBs used to do this thing where if you were a bachelorette, you would be put on stage where a guy would put a shot between his legs, called a blow job, and the girl had to try to take the shot from between his legs without using her legs. Apparently they don't do that anymore, but this is what the dj says, "We have a bachelorette named Hilary here, who wants to give a blow job on stage." Um.. what? No. ANYWAY.

Deb took us to another bar, where we ran into some bank customers... of course. Some old dude danced with her for a good 5 minutes & Christina had run to another bar to use the bathroom, so she comes back to tell me that she ran into some of our friends across the street. So, we leave there to head to BS's where she saw them and it turns out that a guy that my sister and I know was playing with his band. It was really cool to party with some people we knew, except for the fact that two super drunk guys would not leave us alone. They were finally kicked out, but not before I was slobbered on & one guy fell onto the monitors on stage.

We were supposed to leave by 12, the limo ended then, but Shannon started in on "I'll pay for the extra time!" We shut the bar down. As we were filing out, we lost Hailey. Shannon volunteers to go get her, and disappears. Meanwhile, I'm outside with Katie, who is throwing up. I go back in to get her some water and find Hailey & Shannon. But as we're walking out, Katie walks in, so Shannon takes her to the bathroom. My sister and I finally headed back to the limo, and about 10 minutes later, everyone else followed suit. So we got home around 3. Most of us stayed at my sister's to avoid having to drive. Christina & Hailey camped out in the living room, Katie slept on the bathroom floor, and Shannon decided to call her boyfriend. First, she uses her phone & somehow ends up throwing it on top of my sister's father in law's old truck in the driveway. Then, she proceeds to use the house phone, which keeps hanging up on her boyfriend. So she borrows my phone. Then asks to borrow Christina's, Hailey's, and Katie's (while she's still passed out). All during this time she is screaming & crying at her boyfriend. She borrows my sister's cell, and my sister got irritated with her being so loud, so she fights Shannon to get her phone back. In the process, Shannon gripped it so hard, she pressure cracked the screen. My sister had it with her, so she shut the door in her face & went to bed. So, after all this drama, we got into bed about 4:30. Shannon stayed up till 8 & left to go home. I finally left my sister's about noon & vegged out ALL day.

I laughed so hard last night that my cheeks are SUPER sore today. Like someone punched me in the face on both sides. I guess that sends me a message that I need to use those muscles more often!

All in all, it was a great night. I didn't get sick. I didn't fight with anyone. I wasn't too drunk (although I did have a headache today). I didn't get much sleep, but hey, what can you do?